Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
soo... how was my night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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