:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
