Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
