it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
