it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
