i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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