We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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