then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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