It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
