It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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