Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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