ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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