You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
