I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
