you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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