we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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