walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
