He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
