I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
