The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
