I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
