remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
