My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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