Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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