Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
