Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
