he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
