I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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