someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
