You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
