my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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