I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
