im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
