Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
