You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
