Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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