I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
