If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
