My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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