somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
