...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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