Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
