A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
