I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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