Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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