I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
