New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
