It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
