It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
