the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
